Mission Paula: No Country for Hollywood's Bad Biopic Casting Choices ...

Three days later and I’m STILL mad! It’s because a new picture of Zoe Saldana as Nina Simone has surfaced and it looks even worse than the one I included in my last post.

Zoe Saldana as Nina Simone Blackface

Zoe’s looking all dead in the eyes, looking like her face is dirty. She looks nothing like who she’s supposed to be playing. And once again, I ask WTF Hollywood??? But this is not the first time they’ve blindly and poorly picked actors to portray icons and legends. And it certainly won’t be the last.

For example, look at this pic of Jennifer Hudson and Terrence Howard. Guess who they’re supposed to be. And I’ll reveal the answer after the pic.

Jennifer Hudson Terrence Howard as Winnie and Nelson Mandela

They’re supposed to be Winnie and Nelson Mandela. Yes. In real life.

WHAT THE HELL???

Who thought this was a good idea? What’s Terrence rocking that struggle part in his hair? I have many questions and no answers.

But one thing is that this project seemed to have quietly went away. I haven’t heard about it in over a year and I’m not even sure if it was ever released. Maybe it’s because everyone gave it a side-eye and wondered what the producers were thinking. No shade to Terrence and J-Hud but I don’t think anyone was looking forward to seeing them play the Mandelas.

Oh Hollywood… why must you make such piss-poor decisions allatahm??? These biopics are becoming more and more insulting to the folks they’re supposed to portray and to the audience who’s supposed to be watch them.

Next thing we know, they’re gonna have Justin Bieber playing Michael Jackson and I’ma lose all my shit. Rosie Perez gon be Diana Ross. Boris Kodjoe will be Rick James. They gon have Paula Patton play Aretha Franklin one day and I’ma pitch a tent on the sidewalks of LA to protest. Taylor Swift is gon play Ella Baker, y’all!!! And Robert DeNiro will be playing Sidney Poitier. Hollywood is doing it’s darndest to not be shit and I’m not here for it AT ALL!

We all know that one day, an Obama biopic will come out. I’ont wanna see Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie playing Barack and Michelle! I BET NOT SEE THEM NEAR IT! Harry Lennix and Taraji P. Henson can be Barack and Michelle.

Pic from http://dearleaderblog.blogspot.com/

See? Harry looks a lot like Barry’s cousin. AND he’s from Chicago. Put him on speed dial when you’re ready, Hollywood. Don’t play no bald-headed games with this!

But for realsies. I need to stop wanting to slap whoever makes thee casting choices in the back of the head. Like this.

Snape slap head gif

We’re not expecting the actors who play these icons to be TWINSIES with them. We just don’t want them to require face paint, nose prosthetics, artificial legs and all’at. Hollywood is not short of actors of all shapes and sizes and color and tint and skill. they can look harder, gathdambit.

And it’s obviously Hollywood’s disregard of dark skin actors at play here. It’s not like they aren’t qualified. It’s Hollywood saying they’re not big names. But why aren’t they big names? Because they don’t get jobs at the same rate so they can’t even work as much to become the big names they need to become to get the big movies. BUT WHATEVS.

Anyway, since we’re just picking any ol’ body, I want Serena Williams to play me in my biopic. Since her ass is my spirit animal. (-_-)